Bulletproof Courage, will always get you everything you have ever desired.
Everyone knows this. Everyone sees this. However to BUILD this courage inside you, is another story. Especially after loss, disappointment, and failure.
A few days back, I was finishing putting some red lippy on before I went out for my birthday celebrations and this topic kept running inside my head. Why is it some person can lose EVERYTHING and recover back from even the most brutal, and worst hit of their life, and most never recover? Why?
The Aquarius inside me, drives me crazy with unanswered questions.
The simple answer, is Courage.
Courage, from the French, Coeur; meaning Heart — is the ability to press and persist FORWARD despite all the fear that runs through your blood at any given time.
There have been places I have visited where I have been; not just scared, but terrified, and still said to myself “Nope. This is how you learn. This is how you grow. This how you heal, press forward, Nadia. Keep going.”.
And I want you reading this, to do the exact same. I want you to think of something you really put your heart into and it shattered and didn’t work out. A broken relationship, a failed marriage, unsuccessful business, damaged friendship, crippling health — whatever. You name it, and I want you to think of it. Really think of the LOSS, SHAME, and, HUMILIATION you endured with it. And then I want you to KNOW that all that you desire, is on the other side of that loss and fear. But you are going to have to go SLOWLY and not what the gurus who want to siphon your money, want to tell you.
You do not attack fear, head on.
You ONLY use this strategy, when your life is fully in danger. When someone is trying to kill you. When you have no choice but to employ self-defence.
I will explain from one of the things I saw at 19, when I was walking home one night in a place I once lived in and someone grabbed my arm, put a knife to my throat and told me “give me everything or else..”. The funny part was, that very day, I had accidentally left my phone AND my purse at home. Eating at work was a nightmare without money, someone had paid for me and I would pay them back the next day. I stayed as calm as possible when I felt a clean blade pressed into my skin, and threw my bag on the ground. I had no interest to fight the person back and squashed any instinct to fight back. I know when to stay calm and when to fight. This way, it would end faster. The person took my bag, empty of any valuables, pushed me to the ground and left. I sustained an injury to my arm, nothing serious.
Anyone who has been attacked, and I don’t just mean this physically, I mean this now at an emotional tangent (narcissistic abuse, verbal assault etc), those scars are worse. It takes YEARS to be able to feel confident and trust someone, ANYONE, in a situation again. I have a friend who was badly cheated on and horrendously abused by low life evil women, and it took him every tiny ounce of courage to ask out the woman he really liked when he met her. He has a big and generous heart, so the pain hurt him worse. He was so terrified she would do the same thing with him, he kept lying to himself that this woman he liked, was taken, she wasn’t interested etc. He threw himself into his work further, called this woman a “distraction” and just went round in circles because the pain was so deep.
Anything, to keep him safe from the FEAR and experiencing the same PAIN of being lied, cheated on, and humiliated. I kept telling him not to rush into anything and take it one tiny baby paw step at a time. Eventually, he slowly just approached her, filled with fear and just asked her out for a coffee. He called me twice before hand for reassurance and I told him to just push himself and ASK 🙂 It was all he felt capable of. The joke was, he is a shark in Business and no one would have EVER guessed how much he struggled in his personal life. He runs a successful multiple 6 figure company but when it came to women? He was hiding all the time. He’d still flirt, and go out with us and enjoy himself — but when it came to a woman he really took interest in? No Bueno.
He faced his fear one night and just sent her a message, asking if he could meet her for coffee. He didn’t expect a response at all, but the next morning she messaged him back and said yes.
She was exceptionally happy! It turns out, she’d liked him back for a long time, too, but because she isn’t aggressive and doesn’t do the man’s job for him (chasing a man, asking him out etc), it didn’t LOOK like she was interested. She was. They are happy together now and being with her, actually showed him he CAN start again and good, healthy women, DO exist.
It often takes ONE person to change your perspective for good, or bad.
Bulletproof courage, doesn’t come from walking on coals, it doesn’t come from hanging upside down on a bungee rope (although you need courage to face both). It comes from all the things we have truly poured our heart into, and lost. And finding the strength, in tiny pieces to start again. When you move in your own time and realise that you CAN press forward to have the courage TO WORK, TO LOVE, TO LIVE, TO BE SEEN, things move for you in a way you may have never imagined before.
As Clauneck often says, “Fear is not an option” — I have my additional 2 cents.
It is not an option, and yet each healthy human being feels it. Feel it, sit with it, and then go take the action anyway. Be patient with yourself and keep climbing the mountain.
Rome wasn’t built in a day.
AND NEITHER ARE YOU.
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